Its been quite some days since I last wrote in this diary. The WEBSITE!!!! It is so frustrating at times. In fact, at all times. So much work to do and that too just to get it going. I wonder how all these youtubers and bloggers and Instagram people “Just one day started posting.”. Either I am missing something or these people hide their struggles very well. Just go to YouTube and type “how to make a website” and you will be bombarded with people saying “Make your website in 10 minutes”. 10 minutes? Really? Rubbish. You can barely make a decent sandwich to eat in 10 minutes and here we are going to make a whole working website. It will easily take more than a month to create a website and set it up properly and still I doubt it will be ready to go. There is so much hassle to move it on from that point onward. Hosting, migration, Google indexing, analytics, sitemap, social media integration, so many bugs, and what not. I hope it gets smooth sailing from now on. I really want to start concentrating on building this community and connecting with you people.
So let’s take it piece by piece. What do I mean by emotional overload? There is a normal state in which we usually are. Then emotions start over powering us and take us on a journey on either sides:
from sad, to worried, to feel like crying, to crying, to gasping, to sort of a panic attack or anxiety attack maybe (I think panic attack or anxiety attack can be the end result of many of the following)
from frustrated, to angry, to yelling, to rage, to furry, to outburst.
from unease, to fear, to anxiety, to panic, to terrified, to paranoid, to breakdown.
from unease, to confusion, to overthinking, to panic, to kind of paranoia.
from calmness, to pleasure, to happiness, to euphoria, to ecstasy or inner peace maybe.
from interest, to longing, to love, to… well this one is complicated. Some other day on this topic
“An unrestrained emotion flows into madness, like a river flows into Sea, uncontrollably and abruptly.”
Raising voices or crying are relatively beginning phases of my list that I gave above. So that is what I was thinking about because from there on, the next stages come naturally to one person, I think, if the situation continues.
So why do we start yelling during an argument or start crying during one? I found this amazing article on Medium.com. I find it very relatable to my own thinking that I will be talking to you about today. Do give this article at medium a read as well:
https://medium.com/@phmeproject/why-do-we-yell-when-angry-be208fdbfe20
There can be many reasons, but I am talking about only one of them. Many might not relate to it and it will probably be the wrong reason in many situations because it might not be reasonable explanation in many cases
However, it might be reasonable in some. So no GENERALISATION.
Imagine two people talking. One trying to explain something to other to make them understand their feelings. Let that Alex trying to explain something to Taylor (Yes the names are unisex so that you don’t get biased by the classic stereotypes). Also let’s establish that both are very close and adore each other due some relation, parent-child, siblings, couple, friends, etc. so they care about each other’s wellbeing and also have expectations from each other. If Taylor is calmly explaining, Alex might listen, or might not.
Now imagine, Taylor starts crying because he is confused why Alex doesn’t listen to him and does not understand him, so he gets upsets and starts crying a little. Now Alex will get a little worried, would want to console Taylor and, now very carefully try to listen to Taylor to understand him better.
Now take this up a notch, a bit extreme maybe, but stay with me for this. Imagine Taylor gets a heart attack. And gasping for air, with pain in her chest, she tries to tell something to Alex, Alex will surely listen like her life depended on it.
Now imagine, Taylor gets angry. She raises her voice. Alex will be worried again. One possibility is that he might get tired and ignore Taylor. But he might get worried and sympathize with Taylor (because in anger one is after all hurting himself. So it is a pitiable state). So Alex will try to listen to Taylor and understand her in order to calm her down.
Now let’s take this up a notch as well like we did previously. Imagine that Taylor, trying to get his word past Alex, finally gives up and gets frustrated and gets a sort of a panic attack (just assume it happens. This type of situation never happens out of nowhere. It is usually the result of a buildup of emotions over the course of a long time). He starts gasping for air, breathes heavily, starts sweating, and in that moment tries to tell Alex something. Alex will be worried, very worried. She adores Taylor, doesn’t want to see him in that state, hurting himself. So she will listen and try to understand to calm Taylor down.
So what is basically happening in all these very real, albeit very crazy scenarios? One person tries to get himself heard. The other person does not understand his feelings. So subconsciously, he thinks of other ways to make him understand. When Taylor is yelling at Alex, she is not actually yelling to intimidate him. She, very mistakenly thinks that yelling will make her voice reach Alex’s heart when her normal voice couldn’t. That is why she yelled.
We have all been in this scenario. When your loved one breakdown due to emotional buildup. Too much stress, anxiety, depression, some terrifying event, anything. What do we do? We usually try to console that person, because we care. So breaking down actually has many forms. Having a nervous breakdown, panic attack, simply getting angry, terrified, getting numb, these all are different levels of breaking down. And when we yell, or cry, or get hysteric, we are basically thinking subconsciously that the other person will probably listen to us better if we do what we are doing because we have exhausted all other methods. It might sound very logical to help someone who is crying, because he is in pain. But it might sound counter-intuitive to help someone when he is angry. But when one is angry, he is basically in a bad state, a pitiable state. That is why their loved one would want to protect them. This guy explains this very concept very beautifully in this clip:
Now let’s take this up a notch as well like we did previously. Imagine that Taylor, trying to get his word past Alex, finally gives up and gets frustrated and gets a sort of a panic attack (just assume it happens. This type of situation never happens out of nowhere. It is usually the result of a buildup of emotions over the course of a long time). He starts gasping for air, breathes heavily, starts sweating, and in that moment tries to tell Alex something. Alex will be worried, very worried. She adores Taylor, doesn’t want to see him in that state, hurting himself. So she will listen and try to understand to calm Taylor down.
